Friday, February 2, 2018

hate


september 22 1995 - october 4 1995
September 22 1995
I hate Mommy. I brought Kevin home on the bus and she got mad. She does not like me bringing kids home without telling but she never lets me have anyone over ever. She called his mommy and he left. I am grounded for the weekend. What did I do? What did I do. I am so mad at Mommy. I have Oscar.

September 29 1995
I got in trouble. Jeremy called me bad names at recess and I kicked him. I had to talk to the principal. He is a scary bald man. He reminds me of the big man. I am grounded again. He called me dork and shit head but I get in trouble because I hurt him but he hurt me more. It isnt fair I want Jeremy to die. I got sent home and didnt get to have pizza. I hate everyone.

October 4 1995
I had a bad dream about the big man again. I have dreams of him a lot. The house was empty and I was alone with my flashlight. I hided from him but he found me and I screamed but
october 4 1995 - october 6 1996
my voice was gone. I woke up and he was in my closet and I screamed. Mommy came in and turned on the light and no one was there. The man in my ear wispers he wants to take me and the other kids on a vacation. I do not like him and I dont want to go with him any where. I cant sleep.

October 6 1995
I am bored to day. Mommy doesnt play with me alot. She talks on the phone and watches TV and smokes sigaretes and leaves for book club on fridays and I can never come. A new man comes over to stay with Mommy some times named Rick. They scream at each other at night and its scary. He wants me to call him daddy. He calls me squirt. I am not a squirt. He is not my daddy. He doesnt care about me or play games with me. I know my real that daddy died when I was a baby but I really want a real daddy to live with. Maybe he would play with me. Oscar sleeps all day and wont play much. Mommy wants me to take pills. I dont like the pills because they make me feel sick.