 |
| june 24 2007 |
June 24 2007
On the morning drive back, I was silent. My head was replaying the events of last night on repeat. It was real. It all actually fucking happened. I charged my phone in the car and listened to the audio that I had recorded. It cuts to some loud screech before the shadow man shouted, but that terrible clicking sound will haunt me for as long as I live. The fact that it felt vaguely familiar to me gave me chills every time I played it. I had Noah listen to it and he said that it sounded like a wooden crank. One of the pics I don’t remember taking that shocked me was a glitched photo of trees, but if you looked closely you can see what looks like Mr. Slim. I showed it to Noah and to my surprise he said, “Huh. Yeah, it kinda looks like a man.” Uncle Alex said that he didn’t see anything but trees, to which Noah disagreed firmly. I tried not to freak out. Alex said it must be like one of those rabbit duck illusions he couldn’t see. We stopped at a rest stop and I ran to the bathroom to vomit. There was a little blood but I felt much better afterward. Could have been the camp food. Probably just car sickness I hope. Arriving back at Noah’s place, I wanted to put everything I experienced behind me and get back into the blissfully ignorant mindset of enjoying my time at Noah’s, so I wanted to just have a gaming marathon for the rest of the day. His parents went out for the day and weren’t gonna be back until later so we just played video games. After lunch, we walked back to Noah’s room and there he was. Mr. Slim was right fucking there standing at the end of the hallway.
 |
| june 24 2007 |
We screamed and ran to the pantry to hide. I was completely terrified, but also in awe at this confirmation. Noah really did see him too. “You can see him?” I asked. “Who the fuck is that?” Noah whispered, hyperventilating. The mix of fear and elation clashed within me like oil and water, and as I looked in his frightened eyes in the dim light of the pantry I had a flash of a vision from 10 years ago. Shadow Noah wanted me to help Noah. At that moment I wanted to stop time and tell him everything that had happened, but instead in that moment Noah looked behind me and screamed. I turned and was faced point blank with a black tie. We held each other and screamed. The last thing I saw was pitch black tendrils wrap around us, plunging the pantry into blackness. I woke up with a jolt to Noah yelling. He was cheering. I was on his bed as he sat playing Resident Evil 4. I waited for a second and asked what had happened. He said that he just defeated the U3 boss, the one with the dropping cages. He went on explaining how it had taken him a long time to beat it before apologizing for waking me. He said that after lunch he played the game while I took a nap. I asked what about hiding in the pantry from the big man? He thought I was talking about Resident Evil and told me about how he already passed that level while I was asleep. He went back to playing as I sat there dumbfounded. I whipped out my phone and brought up the pic of Mr. Slim
 |
| june 24 2007 |
in the trees. I asked Noah if he remembers seeing that man and he replied, “I don’t see a man, there’s just trees.” He had been wiped.* I asked what meds he takes, if he takes any capsules. He said other than antibiotics when sick, nothing. As he went back to playing, I cried silently behind him. I saw so much of myself in him: my childhood innocence... now shattered beyond repair, my love of gaming... now reduced to a distraction from reality, my unknowing mind... now pried open and raw for the buzzards to pick at. He is cursed, like me, but doesn’t even realize it yet. And although I’m truly happy that he’s had the luxury of being oblivious to his dormant affliction for 16 years unlike myself, I think it’s only because I’m the current target. Maybe I’m just keeping his sickness at bay because Mr. Slim is focused on me. Everyone I’ve seen with a dark counterpart must be vulnerable. This means that Mom can definitely see him, Karl must be able to, and maybe even Kevin too. I know this latent state is temporary for Noah. It’s only a matter of time before it comes creeping into his life too. But he won’t be prepared like I was, growing up with it from infancy. I never wanted to get Noah involved in the tangles of my problems, but realizing that it’s really a shared condition and that this misfortune may be inescapable for him brought me over the edge to a point beyond the ability to enjoy my stay. I faked a phone call and said my plane had a last minute reschedule so I had to leave immediately. As I’m writing this now from the plane home, I’m realizing I left some of my games**. I don’t think I’ll message him about it. Noah is my best friend, but I’m not sure if I should even keep contacting him. If my fate is inevitable for him and being in contact puts him in danger, I want to protect him as long as possible by keeping my distance.
*i don’t remember the pantry incident. i only remember playing resident evil with milo. i do remember the photo he showed me now, and now i can clearly see who he was talking about. more than not when i look back, i feel like i was blind.
**milo never asked me for his games back, and he never thanked me after i sent them back. after that visit, our phone calls became less and less frequent. i thought maybe either i had upset him somehow or he was just going through a lot back home since he always mentioned that his mom was a bitch. i knew he visited many psychiatrists, but he never discussed them with me so i wrote his aloofness off to personal mental issues all those years. knowing the truth now, i really don’t blame him for keeping quiet to spare me from the turmoil for as long as possible. he took it upon himself to bear the full weight of that burden, which is inspiring and brave beyond my abilities. he was really a true friend, and i owe him more than i can ever repay.
